Picture a little boy turning two. Everyone who loves him wants to give him something, and by the end of the party the living room looks like a toy store after a tornado. A grandmother who runs a website for grandparents says that scene is playing out in homes across the country, and she has a number to prove it.
DeeDee Moore is the grandma behind More Than Grand, a website and a TikTok account at @morethangrand. She says too many presents from grandparents is one of the biggest holiday headaches for parents.
Source: Upworthy.
One Birthday Boy, 22 Presents, And A Box He Would Have Loved Just As Much
Moore does the math in a way anyone can follow. Say a grandson is turning two, and each grandparent, aunt and uncle brings one gift. With mom and dad’s present, that makes 10.
Now let the grandparents each pick up three items instead of one, and let a couple of aunts add something extra. The pile climbs to 22 presents for a child who, she says, would be just as happy with a box.
It does not stop there, either. Friends add to the stack, and so do the surprise thrift store finds that grandma could not resist.
Three Out Of Four Parents In Her Survey Wished Grandparents Would Listen
Moore says her own survey backs up the frustration. According to More Than Grand’s survey, 75% of parents wished grandparents would respect their wishes about gifts. That figure comes from the site’s own poll, not an independent study.
The top complaint was space. Parents say they simply do not have anywhere to put it all, and grandparents often brush that concern aside.
Her list of what a mountain of gifts can do is worth reading even if you are the one doing the buying:
- It can undercut the values parents are trying to teach.
- It can damage a child’s imagination.
- It normalizes overconsumption.
- It teaches kids to link seeing grandparents with getting a present, rather than with the relationship itself.
She adds a bonus problem: a giant pile overshadows the gifts that mom and dad carefully chose.
Her Fix Sends The Extras To Kids Who Get Nothing
Moore is not asking grandparents to stop giving. She suggests taking some of the purchases and donating them, for example to Toys for Tots, since many children in less fortunate families receive few gifts or none at all. That way, she says, you can embrace the true spirit of giving.
There is one rule to know. Toys for Tots takes only new, unwrapped toys. Used or thrifted items belong at a thrift store, a shelter or a daycare instead.
Parents In The Comments Said They Would Take A College Fund Over Another Toy
Commenters mostly cheered. Many said experiences and future-focused gifts mean more than one more toy. One parent said her in-laws opened a college fund for both of her kids. Another said she gives experiences and puts money into an account for future needs.
A third commenter summed up the whole debate in one line: “The gifts should surprise the grandkids, not their parents.”
How To Give Generously Without Filling The House
If you are a grandparent, aunt or uncle with a gift-giving streak, you do not have to rein in the love. You only have to point it in a smarter direction. Here is how:
- Ask the parents first. Find out if they could use help with a big-ticket item, which hobbies or sports the child enjoys, and what is a definite no. A two minute chat can head off a lot of headaches.
- Give memories, not stuff. A trip to the zoo, a membership to a museum or education center, or movie tickets for two make a day that a child will talk about for weeks.
- Keep the fun. Honoring the parents’ boundaries does not mean skipping the special purchase. If you spot something irresistible, you can pass it on to a child who could really use it.
- Coordinate with the other relatives. A shared wish list or a group gift avoids three copies of the same toy.
For parents on the receiving end, a calm, kind conversation before the holidays works better than a standoff after the wrapping paper is everywhere. Share a short list of things your child needs or would really use, mention how little closet space you have, and thank your relatives for how much they love your kids.
Once the gifts do arrive, a toy rotation is a simple way to keep the playroom from overflowing: keep a handful of toys out and store the rest, then swap them every few weeks so old things feel new again. Toys your child has outgrown can go to a charity that accepts them, which clears space and passes along some of that holiday joy.
In the end, kids remember who showed up and how it felt far longer than they remember what was inside the wrapping.
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