A pregnant mom shared a deeply personal dilemma online after realizing she may need to go much further this time to protect her peace before giving birth. What made the question feel so urgent, she explained, was that her first delivery had already been overshadowed by a hospital boundary violation she still sees as traumatic.
In her post on Reddit, the mom said she is nearly 12 weeks pregnant with her second child and due in October. But instead of feeling focused only on the pregnancy itself, she said she and her husband were already talking about whether they should lie about her due date to his side of the family. The reason, she explained, comes straight from what happened the first time.
According to her, her mother-in-law and father-in-law drove eight hours and showed up at her hospital room during her first birth despite repeated conversations about a two-week boundary after delivery. She said her husband defended her and did not let them in, but the damage was already done. She described the entire experience as one of the most stressful and vulnerable moments of her life, adding that the fallout continued for weeks with drama, threats, and ongoing tension.
She says the first birth left lasting grief, and this time she wants peace at any cost
The mom wrote that the events around her first delivery were not just upsetting in the moment. They left her with “lasting grief” over things she missed out on and turned what should have been a meaningful transition into a source of anxiety and trauma. She added that her relationship with her in-laws never truly recovered. They have not spoken to her since, and while her husband remains in low contact, she said the relationship is still strained and contentious.
That history is what seems to be driving the discussion now. According to the post, her husband actually brought up the idea of lying about the due date before she did. She said he wants to tell his family the baby is due in December, then wait at least one or two weeks after the birth before sharing any news with them, just to make sure they cannot repeat what happened last time. Her own family, she added, is aware of the situation and willing to help keep things quiet while caring for their first child during the delivery and early postpartum period.
She admitted they would ideally avoid telling his family about the pregnancy at all, but said they do not want to shut out his extended relatives, who have been kind and respectful, knowing word would eventually spread anyway. Even so, she knows giving the wrong due date would likely cause major fallout later.
The bigger issue is not the lie itself, but what she feels she has to protect this time
In the post, the mom made it clear that this is not just about dodging awkward visits or buying a few extra quiet days. It is about protecting her mental state during a postpartum period that still feels tied to unresolved pain from the first one. She said one thing that matters deeply to her this time is having enough peace to give breastfeeding her second baby the best possible chance.
She explained that she was not able to establish breastfeeding with her first child because of latch problems, but said she also believes the extreme stress her in-laws caused during that critical window played a major role. This time, she wants the best possible conditions to try again. If it still does not work out, she said she could accept that. What she does not think she could live with is losing that chance again because of chaos and stress she could have prevented.
That seemed to be the emotional center of the post. She was not just asking whether lying was polite or strategic. She was asking what a parent is allowed to do when protecting postpartum recovery starts to feel more important than preserving a relationship that is already badly damaged.
Commenters said protecting her peace mattered more than avoiding fallout
In the replies, many commenters said some version of the same thing: if the in-laws were willing to show up uninvited, get thrown out of the hospital, and keep the drama going for weeks after the first birth, then they had already lost the privilege of getting full access to information this time. Several people suggested not giving a specific due date at all and simply keeping it vague with phrases like “fall,” “October,” or even “winter.” Others said if she wanted to give a false date for her own peace of mind, she should do exactly that.
A number of commenters also shared their own experiences. Some said they had been vague about due dates or pushed them back by days or weeks to avoid pressure and unwanted hospital attention. Others said they waited until after birth to tell family at all, especially when dealing with overbearing in-laws. One person even pointed out that babies arrive “early” all the time, making a later due date easy enough to explain away if needed.
Not everyone thought lying was the best route. A few commenters argued that instead of giving false information, the couple could simply refuse to share the due date and tell the in-laws they lost access to that information because of their past behavior. One commenter, however, warned that in their family a fake due date backfired and gave a difficult mother-in-law more ammunition to paint the pregnant woman as dishonest to the wider family.
Still, the strongest thread running through the comments was that fallout was probably unavoidable no matter what the couple chose. With that in mind, many readers felt the only question worth centering was which choice best protected the mother and baby. For them, this was not really a story about deception. It was about a woman who already knows what it costs when people ignore her boundaries during one of the most vulnerable moments of her life — and who does not want to pay that price again.
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