If you have ever felt a nudge to clear out your house so your children will not have to, a psychologist has a message for you. Robert N. Kraft, Ph.D., says the pressure to downsize for your kids’ sake can backfire.
Writing in a Nov. 9, 2026 Psychology Today blog post titled “Downsizing Isn’t for Everyone,” Kraft argues that downsizing can be practical and even freeing. But when it is done out of guilt, he says, it can bring stress instead of relief.
Kraft’s post is part of his Defining Memories blog. Read the original here.
Cleaning Out Is Often Sold As A Gift To Your Heirs
Kraft points out how often the idea is framed as an act of kindness. Clear out now, the thinking goes, and your children will be spared the work of sorting and hauling after you are gone.
He mentions Swedish death cleaning, which one author, Dr. Donelle Dreese, describes as “an act of love for all those who will be in the position to clean out our ‘stuff’ after we are gone.” He also notes the KonMari method, which asks people to keep only what sparks joy.
Older adults are sometimes told to stop buying new things at all, since every purchase adds to the future burden.
“Adult Children Are Capable Of Deciding What Is Valuable To Them”
That is the heart of Kraft’s pushback. He says adult children are in a better position than their parents to judge what they would want to keep.
They may even find that some of the items you would toss are the ones that mean the most. Kraft describes his own father’s cartoon file as the kind of artifact that tells children more about a parent than a stack of tidy boxes ever could.
Keep What Brings You Joy, And Make Room For Grandkids
Kraft says there is no need to give up possessions that bring you joy. He keeps small collections of first-edition poetry and memoirs that he admits are not strictly necessary.
He also sees nothing wrong with buying something new that delights you. And he finds that extra space has a purpose: his grandchildren, now old enough to visit on their own, have stayed in his spare bedrooms.
The research he cites backs up the comfort of keeping things close. AARP data shows nearly 90 percent of adults over 65 want to age in place whenever possible, in their own homes with their own belongings.
Why Your Treasures Matter More Than Tidy Shelves
Kraft also leans on studies of how people relate to objects. Work from Boschetti in 1995 found that cherished possessions shape our sense of who we are and help us remember past experiences and relationships.
Research by Coleman and Wiles in 2020 found that most participants used cherished possessions to connect with their past selves, cope with change and support aging in place. A 2021 study by Dozier and Ayers found that attachment to objects exists across the whole lifespan and rises and falls over time.
Not every object is a comfort, he adds. An unplayed piano might remind one person that they are musical and remind another of what they have lost, so each item has to be judged personally.
Two Basement Floods Taught Him He Could Live Without Some Treasures
Kraft’s own story adds a twist. His sump pump failed twice in eight years during heavy rain, flooding his basement both times and forcing two clear-outs.
The first flood was easy, because only low-priority items were damaged. The second hit treasured items he had moved to the floor, and he found he could live without them.
He is careful to say that he does not recommend a flood as a decluttering plan. His point is that sometimes being forced to choose shows you what truly matters, and that you may be tougher about letting go than you think.
How To Downsize Gradually Without The Guilt
Kraft offers a handful of gentle tips for people who want to lighten their load at their own pace. First, focus on what to keep rather than what to throw out. Ask which items matter most and what stories they hold.
Second, start with low-emotion spaces such as the basement, attic or garage, and take more time with the living room and bedrooms. Third, before a big move or clear-out, talk to friends who have already been through it.
Fourth, do not keep things mainly for their resale value, unless they are appraised art or valuable wine. Most household items are not worth much and are not easy to sell one by one.
Fifth, research local estate clearance services that handle clearing out, donating and selling belongings. They go by names like estate cleanout services, move managers and estate liquidation services, and Kraft suggests setting aside money for them in a will.
His post is about curated collections and the things people love. It is not about hoarding, which is the indiscriminate piling up of items that gets in the way of moving around and daily life.
A Better Question Than “What Should I Throw Out?”
Try asking yourself a different question this week: what do I want to keep, and why? Walk through one low-stakes area, like the garage, and set aside the few things you would be sorry to lose. Then let the rest go at a pace that feels comfortable.
If your children are nagging you, tell them you will get there in your own time. Your home is yours, and the things in it are part of your story. Downsizing is a choice, not a deadline.
