Ask a tired mom when she last got a full night of sleep and you may get a laugh, then a long pause. A new survey says the problem goes deeper than a late bedtime. Many moms feel like they need a hall pass before they are allowed to rest.
The survey comes from Naturepedic, an organic sleep wellness brand, and asked 1,000 U.S. mothers between the ages of 25 and 45 with children under 18 at home about their sleep. Scary Mommy reported the results alongside several experts.
Source: Scary Mommy.
62% Of Moms Say They Need Someone Else To Say It Is Okay To Sleep
The headline number is a big one. Some 62% of the moms said they feel they need someone else’s formal permission to put their own sleep first without guilt. The article calls this the “sleep permission gap.”
The rest of the numbers paint a tired picture:
- 90% say they struggle to quiet their minds at bedtime.
- 48% get fewer than seven hours of sleep, and moms of kids aged 2 and younger average about 5.9 hours.
- 59% said having someone take over household chores would help them sleep better.
- 58% said being allowed to sleep in would help.
Because the numbers come from a company that sells sleep products, they reflect that brand’s own research, not an independent academic study.
Why A Mind Full Of Open Windows Will Not Switch Off
The experts in the piece gave several reasons moms struggle to power down. Lorena Bernal, founder of Live Love Better and author of “It Starts With You,” says society measures a woman’s worth by how much she produces. That can leave mothers feeling too needed to switch off.
She compares an overloaded mind to a computer with too many windows open.
Counselor Emily Krushefski adds that self-blame gives a mom a sense of control. The mental load of running a household feeds rumination, the repetitive thoughts that are hard to interrupt once they start.
A Sleep Doctor Says The Brain Can Start To Link Bed With Worry
Dr. Shelby Harris, a board-certified behavioral sleep medicine specialist and psychologist, explains that your sleep drive builds all day, but your stress response can override it. Over time, she says, the brain can begin to link the bed itself with worry.
She also warns that chronic sleep loss affects attention, memory, emotional regulation and decision-making, and raises the risk of type 2 diabetes and heart disease.
Dr. Joseph Dzierzewski of the National Sleep Foundation made a point that cuts through the self-help noise. No amount of sleep strategies can make up for a total lack of opportunity to sleep. He strongly recommends that couples or other caregivers share nighttime duties so each person gets an uninterrupted stretch.
Bernal summed up the heart of it this way: “Sleep shouldn’t be the reward you receive once you have done enough.”
Simple Moves The Experts Say Can Help Tonight
Here are the practical tips pulled from the experts in the article:
- Write it down earlier. Harris suggests spending about 10 minutes earlier in the evening listing what is on your mind, with a next step for each item, so the worries are not waiting for you at bedtime.
- Get up if you are stuck. If you have been awake for about 20 minutes and sleep does not feel close, Dzierzewski says to get out of bed instead of lying there frustrated.
- Sort urgent from later. Bernal advises being honest about which responsibilities truly cannot wait and which can be dealt with tomorrow.
- Let the kids pitch in. Letting children practice independence, such as doing their own laundry and packing their own lunches, lifts weight off mom.
- Split the night shift. Trade off who handles wake-ups so each parent gets a protected block of rest.
If trouble sleeping lasts for weeks, the experts say to talk to a doctor.
Giving Yourself The Pass Nobody Else Will
The big idea running through the piece is that no one is going to hand mom a permission slip. If you are waiting for the house to be perfectly quiet, the laundry to be done and the to-do list to be empty, that moment may never come.
Try making it a household agreement instead. Sit down with your partner or a grown child and agree on a protected bedtime, a night each week when someone else handles the late shift, and one chore that gets taken off your plate for good. Small, specific trades beat a vague promise to help more.
Moms who feel guilty about sleeping in on a weekend might think about what they would tell a friend in the same spot. Chances are they would say, go ahead, you have earned it. That same kindness is allowed to go both ways.
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