One caretaker openly confessed that she wished her father would “fall asleep and not wake up.” The weight of those words hit harder than expected, leaving her feeling crushed by guilt and burnout. The intensity of such thoughts can make anyone stop and consider the complexities of caregiving, especially when it involves a loved one in decline.
About six or seven years ago, this woman’s father began showing signs of serious illness. He struggled with breathing, became physically weak, and had trouble talking. It took two years and a trip to the ER for him to finally see a doctor. Unfortunately, the diagnosis was grim: congestive heart failure, COPD, emphysema, and other heart issues. During a medical procedure, he even passed away twice but was revived both times. After that, he was sent home, and his daughter stepped in to help out, sleeping on the couch for over three months.
Not long after, her mother requested her to move back in to assist her father, since her partner had relocated to care for his own ill mother. Over time, the strain of the situation grew. Family members were missing in action, leaving her feeling even more isolated. By late 2024, her partner’s mother passed away. Being separated by a thousand miles during such a tough time was hard for both of them. His mental health deteriorated as he navigated his grief alone.
Eventually, the couple reunited, but life at home continued to spiral. The father’s condition worsened significantly over the next four years. He became reliant on oxygen, unable to move without assistance, and had even lost his appetite. The caretaker’s mother, also suffering with torn rotator cuffs, faced her own challenges. She too was stuck, unable to get the surgeries she needed because she had to care for her husband. This couple had been together for fifty years, and witnessing this decline was painful for everyone involved.
As the father’s health continued to deteriorate, the caretaker expressed feelings of anger towards his ongoing survival. She loved him deeply, but watching him suffer was agonizing. The thoughts turned towards the future: her mother needed to heal, she wanted to create a life of her own, and her partner was struggling with the unrelenting family drama. It weighed heavily on her that no one could move on while her father was still alive. She even admitted she wished he’d simply fall asleep and not wake up, feeling guilty for wanting her father to die. Her internal struggle between love and the harsh reality of caregiving was palpable.
People had different reactions to this heartfelt admission. Some users pointed out that it’s normal for caregivers to have conflicting emotions. They understood how overwhelming the pressure and constant watching over someone in pain could be. Others sympathized with her situation and reminded her that those feelings didn’t make her a bad person. They reinforced that the guilt she felt was shared by many in similar circumstances.
Supportive comments flooded in, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging feelings of guilt and sadness during care situations. Some suggested practical coping mechanisms, like seeking therapy or joining support groups for caregivers. They recognized that she needed an outlet to process these heavy emotions. The reality of her father’s condition and the stress it placed on the entire family was undeniable. Caregiving takes an immense toll on one’s mental health, and that wasn’t lost on anyone who read her post.
Despite the well-meaning advice, the uncomfortable truth remained: wishing for a loved one’s suffering to end—while also feeling guilty for those thoughts—is a complex, messy reality. It reflected the human experience of love, loss, and the struggle to balance self-care with the needs of others. Questions lingered. How can one reconcile such feelings while continuing to provide care? When does someone reach the breaking point of emotional endurance? The discussion opened up a space for deeper contemplation on the burdens that caregivers often carry alone.
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