Most decluttering advice starts with “Does this spark joy?” or “Have you used this in a year?” Those are fine questions. But minimalism author Joshua Becker recently shared a different one that goes right to the heart of why letting go is so hard, and it may be the one you have never asked yourself.
His question: Was I ever happy with less than I own right now?
On his TikTok page, @joshua_becker_official, he asks people to think back five years, ten years, or even further, maybe to their first apartment or the first home they shared with a spouse. Chances are you owned less back then. In fact, he says, if you could tell that younger version of yourself how much you own today, they probably would not believe it.
@joshua_becker_official
The point he is making
If you are like most of us, there was a time when you had fewer belongings, and you were okay. Maybe even better than okay. Becker notes that some people remember those years as the happiest of their lives. You felt free and light and full of opportunity.
But as the years go by, he explains, incomes grow and homes fill up. More possessions stop being just our new normal and become a new burden. That is the part that stings, because most of us never decided to own all of this. It simply built up, a gift here, a sale there, a “just in case” box tucked in the basement.
So when something feels impossible to let go of, his advice is to remember that you have lived happily with less before, and you can do it again.
Why this question works
Most of us decide what to keep by asking, “Might I need this someday?” That question always gets a yes, because almost anything might be useful someday. Becker’s question turns the thinking around. Instead of picturing a future emergency, you look at your own real history and see that you survived, and even thrived, without most of what is filling your shelves.
It also takes some of the guilt out of the process. You are not being asked to become a different person. You are only being asked to return to a version of yourself that already existed.
Where to start: a simple exercise
If you have been staring at a cluttered house and wondering where to begin, try this. It takes about twenty minutes and a pen.
- Pick your “less” year. Choose a time when you felt light and free. Maybe it was your first apartment, or the year before the kids arrived, or the first year in your current house.
- List what you had back then. Write down the kitchen items you used, the number of outfits you wore, and how many decorations were on the walls. Do not overthink it.
- Pick one room. The kitchen is a good place, because it has so many duplicates. Ask of each item: did I have this back then, and did I miss it?
- Remove the easy ones first. The third spatula, the six coffee mugs from events you forgot, the gadget that came as a gift and never left the box.
- Save the tough decisions for last. Sentimental items can wait until you have built some momentum.
What to do with what goes
Once you decide what leaves, do not let it sit. Items waiting by the front door for months tend to crawl back into the house. Try one of these:
- Donate: Clean, working household goods, clothes and books are welcome at most thrift stores and shelters. Call first if you are not sure what they accept.
- Sell: Name-brand clothing, small appliances and collectibles can bring in cash through local selling groups or online marketplaces. Take clear photos in good light.
- Give to someone who needs it: A young couple setting up their first apartment will happily take the extra pots and linens. It feels good to know your things are being used.
- Recycle or toss: Broken, stained or expired items should go without guilt.
If you feel stuck
Some items will still tug at you, and that is normal. If you cannot decide, put the item in a “maybe” box, tape it shut, and write the date on the lid. Tuck it away for three months. If you never open the box, you have your answer, and the whole thing can go to donation without another look. This takes the pressure off, because nothing is gone for good on the day you are deciding.
A thought to carry with you
Letting go is rarely about the object. It is about the fear of losing safety, memory or a future version of ourselves. Becker’s question works because it replaces that fear with a memory: a time when your life was lighter and you were fine. Nobody is asking you to live with nothing. You are only asked to remember that less was once enough, and it can be again.
The next time you hold an item and hesitate, ask the question out loud. Was I ever happy with less than I own right now? For most of us, the honest answer is yes, and that can be the permission slip we have been waiting for.
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