Ask a room full of parents how they want to start decluttering, and a surprising number will point straight at the toy room. Or at the garage. Or at the closet that belongs to somebody else in the house. It feels like the obvious place to begin, because that is where the mess seems loudest. According to Joshua Becker’s YouTube channel, that instinct is exactly where most people go wrong.
In a video about ten things not to declutter first, Joshua Becker says the most common mistake seen on the road to a minimalist life is starting in the wrong place. The trouble, as the video puts it, is that people tend to choose a difficult first step instead of an easy one. The better plan, according to the video, is to start easy and work up to the harder spaces. And that, it says, is the same process Becker and a spouse used themselves.
The part that will make many parents sit up is the toy question. Becker says that when the floor is opened for questions at parenting groups, the first one is always the same: this minimalism thing sounds great, so how do I get rid of all my kids’ toys? The answer is always the same too. It is entirely unfair to begin your journey by forcing your kids to get rid of their stuff.
Think about how that looks from a child’s side of the room. Mom or Dad announces a big cleanout, and the first bag out the door is full of the child’s favorite things. Nobody asked, and nobody went first. It is easy to see why that would feel like a punishment instead of a fresh start.
Go First, Then Help Them Along
Becker’s alternative is simple. When kids see you removing possessions from your own room and your own closet first, they will be better prepared for the day you eventually get to theirs. And you will be better equipped to help them, because you will have walked through the hard decisions yourself.
The same rule applies to the person you share a home with. Becker says you should never begin your decluttering journey by getting rid of a spouse’s or partner’s things. Anyone who has watched a favorite old jacket vanish from a closet without a word knows how well that goes over. Start with your own side of the house, and let the example do the talking.
The Other Mistakes On The List
The kids and the spouse are only two items on the list. Becker names several other spots where people tend to get stuck early.
- Old family photos. Boxes and boxes of them need to be curated, but spending hours flipping through them usually just leads to hours more as memories surface. Save the project for later, and when you do get to it, keep only the best.
- Sentimental items. These stick around for many reasons, such as remembering a past season of life, a relationship, an experience or an accomplishment. Holding on to only the best is described as a great filter, but it is not a job for day one.
- Big cluttered spaces. Garages and basements take a lot of time, and a more noticeable change in your home can be made elsewhere.
- Email. Becker says not to start by deleting emails, because physical clutter carries more weight and burden than digital clutter. Begin with physical objects.
Notice the pattern. Every item on that list is something that eats up time, stirs up feelings, or both. They are the projects that make people tired before they have even filled one trash bag. Put them first and it is no wonder so many cleanouts stall by Saturday afternoon.
So Where Should You Start?
Becker says it is important to move through your home room by room, but also to start in the visible areas first, because seeing progress matters. The method he describes works through the home from easiest to hardest, starting with the most lived-in areas first. He calls it the most effective approach for the most people, because you gain momentum and motivation with every area you finish.
That lines up with plain common sense. A cleared kitchen counter or a tidy hall closet is something you will see and enjoy every day. That small win makes the next room feel less scary. By the time you reach the hard spots, you have practice at making decisions, and you have already shown the family what the goal looks like.
A Simple Way To Try It This Week
You do not need a special plan to put this into practice. Here is one gentle way to begin, built straight from the advice above.
- Pick a room you use every day and where you can see the results right away.
- Start with your own belongings first, including your own closet or your own corner of the bedroom.
- Leave the photo boxes, the sentimental keepsakes, the garage and the inbox for later.
- Skip your spouse’s things and your children’s things for now. Let them watch you work.
- When one space is done, step back and enjoy it before moving to the next.
When the day does come to tackle the toy bins, you will not be starting from scratch. The kids will have seen you do the hard work first. That is a much better way to teach children about letting go than a surprise cleanout while they are at school.
The big takeaway is a kind one. Decluttering is not a test of willpower, and it is not a contest to see who can part with the most. It is a process, and it works best when it starts small, starts with yourself, and builds momentum one finished room at a time. If you have been stuck staring at the playroom, take a breath, walk to your own closet instead, and begin there.
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