Ask a room full of mothers what they wish they had known, and you will get a lot of nods and a few big laughs. That is exactly what @millygbarnes delivers in a TikTok about the things she wishes someone had told her before she became a mom.
She is clear about her intentions. She is not one to complain about motherhood just to complain. But every now and then something makes her step back and say that it is not always sunshine and rainbows, and she wants to give other women the warning she never got.
@millygbarnes
Toddlers are harder than anyone says
Her first item: toddlers are so much harder than anybody lets on. Everyone warns you about the newborn trenches, she says, but what about the toddler trenches? Her child now throws tantrums, can run, and does not sleep very much. She felt like she had been hit by a truck because no one had warned her.
Some kids just will not eat
Number two: some kids simply will not eat. She knew picky eaters existed, but she did not realize it could mean a child would rather not eat at all. She makes her son dinner, and he tells her he does not want it, and in fact wants nothing she could ever offer him. Ninety-five percent of the time, she says, he would rather starve than eat a meal.
Sleep progressions feel like a scam
Number three: sleep progressions are a scam. As she describes it, there seems to be one a month, and each lasts about three weeks. In her view, it is just a nice way of saying your child is not going to sleep very well.
The good part she does not want you to miss
She does not stop at the complaints. She describes the good moments: the park, the chasing, the laughing. She also describes the less glamorous ones, like being on the twenty-seventh book of the day or playing trains while her son keeps breaking the tracks and telling her to fix them. Not every moment is fun, she admits. But all of it, she says, is still being a mother, and it is the best.
Her bottom line is that sometimes motherhood is hard and humbling, and the best thing to do about it is to talk with other moms.
What to do if you are in the toddler trenches
If you are nodding along, or if you have a daughter or granddaughter who is, here are some practical, general ideas that many parents find helpful.
- Expect big feelings. Toddlers are learning to express themselves before they have the words. Tantrums are a normal part of that stage. Staying calm and consistent helps more than anything.
- Keep mealtimes low pressure. Offer small portions of a few foods, including one your child usually accepts, and avoid battles. Many children eat better over the course of several days than at any single meal. If you are worried about your child’s eating or growth, talk to your pediatrician.
- Keep routines steady. Predictable bedtime habits, like a bath, a book, and dim lights, give a child a sense of security even when sleep is rocky.
- Remember it is a phase. Sleep changes and refusals often come and go. What feels permanent at two in the morning usually looks different a few months later.
- Protect a little time for yourself. Even twenty minutes of quiet can reset your patience.
Find your people
Perhaps her best advice is the last. Other moms are the best resource there is. Someone who has been through it can tell you that it passes, share a trick that worked for them, or just say, “Me too.” If you are a grandmother or an older neighbor, you can be that person. A warm word, an offer to hold the baby for an hour, or a casserole on the porch means more than you may realize.
If you are a mom who feels guilty for finding it hard, take comfort that you are not alone. Being honest about the tough parts does not mean you love your children any less. It means you are a real person doing a very big job. And as she says, the joy is real too, right alongside the books, the trains, and the toddler tantrums.
A note for the grandparents reading
Many of us raised our children without a name for the stages. We just lived them, with a kitchen table full of relatives to lean on. Today’s young mothers often do it with less nearby help and more advice coming from every direction. Listening without judging is one of the kindest things you can offer.
Ask what would help most. It might be a night of babysitting, a meal, or simply a chance to hear that they are doing fine. Reminding a tired mother that every child grows out of every stage may be the most useful thing you say all week.
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