Few parenting trends ignite family drama quite like the rise of the “grandma shower.” In one viral scenario, a mother-in-law tried to center the celebration on herself with a full-blown party, registry and all, only to be told no by the expectant parents. Her fury captured a broader tension: when does honoring a new Grandmother cross the line into overshadowing the baby’s own parents.
Behind that clash is a real cultural shift. As more grandparents lean into active caregiving roles and social media amplifies every new ritual, families are being forced to negotiate where celebration ends and entitlement begins, often in the emotionally loaded space between in-laws.
When a “Grandma Shower” Stops Feeling Cute
At its most innocent, a grandmother shower is pitched as a sweet way to help a future Grandmother stock a few basics for her home, especially if she will be a regular caregiver. Some etiquette writers frame these Grandmother Showers as a “YAY” for close friends or coworkers who want to mark a life transition, while others firmly land on “NO WAY” when the focus drifts from the baby’s parents to the grandparent’s wish list, a split that shows up clearly in debates over Grandmother Showers. Traditionally, a shower is meant to support the parents-to-be with essentials, hosted by Friends and family who want to ease that financial and emotional leap, not to outfit a second nursery across town.
Online, the trend has been framed as “essentially a baby shower” for the grandparent, complete with decorations, games and piles of gifts, a framing that has fueled heated “What’s your take” threads where Jan commenters argue over whether these parties are adorable or tone deaf, especially when invitations go out to the same circle already buying for the main shower, as seen in one widely shared Jan post. Critics say that when a mother-in-law insists on a big event, complete with registry, it can feel less like a celebration and more like a second round of gift solicitation that dilutes support for the people actually paying for diapers and daycare.
That discomfort is not just about money. Commenters who bristle at the idea often describe a “main character” energy, where the grandparent appears to claim center stage in a story that is supposed to be about the new family unit. One analysis of Granny Showers, framed as sitting “Between genuine celebration and narcissistic drift,” notes that the trend, which emerged in the USA, can highlight both intergenerational solidarity and what some see as excesses of individualism when the party becomes a performance of the grandparent’s identity rather than a quiet show of support, a tension explored in coverage of Granny Showers. When a pregnant woman says no to such a party and her mother-in-law reacts with fury, it is often that underlying power struggle, not the cake or balloons, that is really at stake.
Etiquette, Boundaries and the Mother-in-Law Minefield
Etiquette experts who have watched the trend grow are surprisingly aligned on one point: the mom-to-be should be asked first. Guidance aimed at grandparents stresses “Ask the” expectant parent before planning anything, and notes that Your daughter or daughter-in-law’s comfort should be the deciding factor, even if that means dropping the idea of a grandma shower altogether, a principle laid out bluntly in advice on Ask the mom-to-be. Other etiquette breakdowns urge hosts to tread lightly, reminding families that any celebration for a grandparent should never compete with or copy the parent-to-be’s shower, a point repeated in guidance on etiquette for these events.
Some commentators argue that Grandmas are feeling unfairly scrutinized, pointing out that grandfathers rarely face the same online pile-ons when they express excitement, a dynamic explored in pieces asking Why Grandparents Are Feeling the Heat This Time and noting that Grandmas, as a group, have earned a reputation for overstepping with registries and gift expectations, as seen in coverage of Why Grandparents Are. Yet even writers who are sympathetic to that frustration tend to circle back to the same bottom line: if the pregnant couple is uncomfortable, their no should be the final word, not the opening of a family feud.
There are ways to celebrate that respect those boundaries. Some guides suggest a low-key “sprinkle” hosted by a Friend or Coworker The grandparent, not by the expectant parents themselves, with no registry needed and a focus on sentimental gifts rather than big-ticket gear, a softer approach outlined in advice on The Hostess. Others recommend a simple lunch with coworkers, where Moore told TODAY that marking the transition with close friends or colleagues can be lovely as long as any gifts are modest and ideally something useful that will ultimately benefit the parents, a nuance she shared in an interview cited by Moore. A broader look at grandparent showers notes that a tasteful event should be small, avoid overlapping guest lists with the main baby shower and steer clear of big registries.
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