A wedding guest’s angry reaction to a registry has kicked off a fresh round of etiquette debate, this time centered on a couple in their 60s who have both walked down the aisle before. The guest was stunned that the pair, who are not young newlyweds starting from scratch, still created a list of items they hoped friends and family would buy. The dustup shows how quickly expectations around gifts, age, and “second chances” in love can collide once a save-the-date hits someone’s inbox.
At the heart of the argument is a simple question with complicated feelings attached: when two people already have homes, histories, and previous marriages behind them, are they still “allowed” to ask for presents. For some, a registry is just logistics, a way to avoid duplicate toasters. For others, it reads as a cash grab, especially when the couple is older and, in the guest’s view, should already “have everything they need.”
The guest’s outrage and what it reveals
The guest who sparked the conversation wrote in under the name Dec, laying out their frustration with a pair of friends who are both in their 60s and planning a wedding after earlier marriages. Dec fixated on the fact that the bride and groom had already built lives, careers, and households, yet still chose to register for gifts for their wedding. In Dec’s telling, the registry felt less like a celebration and more like a bill, a demand that guests underwrite a new chapter for people who, by any practical measure, were not starting from zero. That sense of being financially cornered, rather than warmly invited, colored every part of their complaint.
Dec’s letter, which described the situation as “Wedding Guest Outraged That Bride and Groom, Who Are, Their, Have Both Been Married Before, Registered for Gi,” captured how personal wedding expectations can become once age and prior marriages enter the picture. The guest’s frustration was not just about plates and towels, it was about the story they believed a registry is supposed to tell: young couple, first home, shared future. When that script did not match the reality of two people in their 60s, Dec read the list of requested items as entitlement rather than tradition, a reaction detailed in coverage of the wedding guest outraged by the couple’s choices.
Advice, etiquette, and the reality of modern registries
The letter landed in the inbox of an advice columnist, Asking Eric, who has become a kind of referee for modern manners. In his response, Eric acknowledged that Dec clearly felt put upon, but he also pushed back on the idea that age or marital history automatically disqualifies someone from having a registry. According to the account of the exchange, Eric noted that Dec’s anger said as much about the guest’s own assumptions as it did about the couple’s behavior. A registry, he suggested, is an option, not an invoice, and adults in their 60s are just as entitled to celebrate a new partnership as anyone else, whether or not they have been married before.
The column also highlighted a revealing twist: Dec eventually admitted that they could afford a gift and that the couple had not pressured them personally, which undercut the idea that the registry was some sort of moral offense. Eric’s response, summarized in reporting on the NEED, KNOW letter to Asking Eric, framed the real etiquette rule as simple: if a guest dislikes the list, they can choose a modest item, give cash, or skip the gift altogether, but turning that discomfort into outrage is a choice. The advice underscored that the couple’s decision to register, even as people in their 60s who have both been married before, falls well within the bounds of contemporary norms, a point reflected in coverage of the NEED, KNOW, Asking Eric exchange.
Why older couples still register, and how guests can respond
Behind the etiquette chatter sits a quieter truth about how people actually live. Couples marrying in their 60s are often blending households, downsizing, or shifting into new routines, and a registry can be less about stockpiling basics and more about recalibrating for the life they want together. That might mean swapping mismatched cookware for a single high quality set, trading two worn sofas for one that fits a smaller condo, or asking for experiences like restaurant gift cards instead of another blender. The symbolism matters too: a list of shared wishes, even if it includes upgraded linens instead of starter dishes, can be a way of saying, “We are building something new,” regardless of how many times either partner has said “I do.”
For guests, the healthiest response is usually to separate personal taste from actual obligation. No one is required to buy the priciest item on the list, and no registry can force someone to spend beyond their comfort level. A guest who bristles at the idea of gifting household goods to a couple in their 60s can opt for a small token, a heartfelt card, or simply their presence at the ceremony. What Dec’s story really exposes is not a breach of etiquette by the couple, but the lingering belief that only young, first time brides and grooms deserve material support. As more people remarry later in life, that idea is colliding with reality, and the etiquette is catching up: love at 60 is still love, and a registry is just one more way some couples choose to mark it.
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